Where do we find this kind of love? Well we find this kind of love in our relationships. In relationships where this agape love is practiced, the relationship flourishes. That is why having a relationship with God is so important. God is love. He is exemplifies love in the form of the perfect relationship marked by agape unconditional love in the form of the Trinity: Father, Son and Holy Ghost. It guides us in all that we do. 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 says:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,] but have not love, I gain nothing.”

So if we do not have love or relationships that our love can move in, we must perceive in reality that we have absolutely nothing. We can do all the best things in the world but without having this love, it is all for naught.

Where is unforgiveness invading into your life? Unforgiveness is also like a wound that festers with gangrene. If something is not done to clean out the wound and let it heal properly, it will poison the body and threaten the life of the person. In the case of unforgiveness, it poisons all of our relationships just like gangrene does to the body and can cause us to destroy those things that sustain us. Many times, we just have to let things go and “clean out the emotional wounds” in our hearts before is kills our heart, the very source of our life. Going back to our original illustration, the only way to deal with unforgivenness is to clear away the vines and dig out the very roots so it doesn’t grow back.

People raise their hands while singing and then look around to see if others are watching what they are doing. They are people going through the motions like the Pharisee. They are doing them to put on a show for others in church, Sunday school class or bible study to see. Most people fail to realize that we can do the right things for the wrong reasons. We can give to the poor (a very noble thing) and do it to be recognized and seen (the wrong reason). That is why we have that verse in Matthew where people come up to Jesus saying Lord, Lord didn’t we do all these things in your name? And his response is “get away from me for I knew you not.” So if our motives are suspect on the deeds that we do, then how can we determine how we are doing with God?

The answer lies in our relationship with our God. Now I know there are many people out there who are skeptics saying “Yeah, they always say that all you need is a personal relationship with Jesus and you are saved.” In reality, it is truly that simple yet at the same time it is truly that complex. Relationships don’t grow deep over night. You have to nurture them and invest in them. This takes time and dedication Yet, it is our relationship with Jesus that truly saves us. Now I know there may be a lot of people who will counter that we are saved by faith alone or faith plus works. That is not the debate in which I want to participate. Yet however you believe, those both come out from our relationship with Christ. This is about what it means to be in a true relationship with someone where each side is doing things that are in the best interest of those that they are in relationship with above their own self-centered needs. Yet God is there whether we deserve it or not and always seeks the best for us. That is a tough standard to live up to but Jesus does it with us. So the core of what I am saying is that too many people are focused on what they are doing something versus why they are doing it. In reality one should ask “How am I doing in my acceptance of the free gift that being in relationship with God offers and sharing that relationship with others?”

I wish I could say that I was above this but I can’t. I look at my own life and how I get stressed out by my own kids and how they do affect my marriage. We place undo focus on our kids that make them seem like a threat to our marriages. I realize that when I do this it is like looking through a distorted lens. It’s a lens that focuses on what I want and now what Jesus really calls us to do.

“The greatest among you will be your servant. For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” Matthew 23:11-12

It’s something we all should aspire to…..

We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 2 Corinthians 1:8-10

So could trauma and trial be ways that God helps us to not rely on ourselves but rather more fully on Him? In my experience, I would have to say yes. All the twelve step programs talk about how people admit that their problem was greater than themselves and that they had to seek a higher power to see them through. Trauma brings pain and we all know how pain has a way of getting people’s attention. So I will end with a thought from 1 Peter where Peter says in 1 Peter 1:6-7.

though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:6-7

Did Jesus do this when he was called to give of himself? He gave everything, expecting nothing in return. His love was a gift with no strings attached. It wasn’t a loan because we didn’t have to do anything to deserve it.

I have messed this up so many times in my life, I have lost count. I learn every day that it is so much better to love people, just because. I have found that when I place expectations on how people should react to my generosity, loving act or words, it truly leads me down a path to resentment and sorrow. So if we give our love to people expecting nothing in return, life becomes such a joy when people do respond in kind.

What are we really trying to do here? I was reminded of what my true motive may be when I read a blog piece by a friend of mine named Patrick Oden. We try to force God to do our will. I do this way too often when I look at my own experience. Yet when I look at my life during various episodes of disappointment I realize I was bargaining with God. I got mad when I didn’t get what I wanted. Looking back, I am reminded of Garth Brooks’ song “Unanswered Prayers”. In the song, he thanks God for unanswered prayers because he ended up with something wonderful in the end despite not getting what he was asking for in his prayers at the time.

Recent events have made me realize that sometimes we have to just let go of what we want and just trust God to provide.

Without knowing it, had we not been brought to where we stood by a certain kind of faith? For did we not believe in our own reasoning? Did we not have confidence in our ability to think? What was that but a sort of faith? Yes, we had been faithful, abjectly faithful to the God of Reason. So, in one way or another, we discovered that faith had been involved all the time!

We found, too, that we had been worshippers. What a state of mental goose-flesh that used to bring on! Had we not worshipped people, sentiment, things, money and ourselves? p54 AA Big Book

2 Peter 2:19 says “ They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity—for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.

The quotation from the AA book really illustrates what Peter is talking about. It really got me thinking.

Coming through the ordeals I have had to face over the past weeks, I find that often the most intense level of community comes through a sharing of intense experiences. I have formed significant friendships with several of the people I recently was in the hospital with. Many of these people, I share very little common cultural or social bonds with as we are completely different in many ways. We aren’t the same ethnicity, socio-economic status, lifestyle, religious background and hang out in the same social circles. Yet, there is an intense bond I have with these people because of our intense shared experience of our hospital stays. It makes me understand it when they say the most intense friendships or relationships are between those who have fought in war together. They have the same intense experiences that forced them together and forced them to interact with each other.

Interacting with these people has been so refreshing to me. I find myself seeing things about myself that I don’t think I would have ever been able to discover if I wasn’t seen through eyes that looked from quite a different perspective. Before coming to a relationship with Jesus, I probably would have ignored these people if I came across them on the street. But now I have a love for these people that I can’t describe and I gain so much from my interaction with them. When I first got to the hospital I viewed myself as different, yet when we were forced together through an intense experience, I realized that these were people too despite whatever condition got them there. They were deserving of love, patience and acceptance just as much as I was. So for me, I have to thank God for the junk I had to go through because through it I was able to meet these people who have opened my eyes even more to what God’s kingdom here on earth really should be.

What prompted me to write this was my reading of Jonathan Brink’s blog and his work at acheiving authentic Godly community at Thrive Ministries . To read more on his view of what authentic Godly community is, read a recent post he wrote called Elusive Authentic Community

If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ lend to ’sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Luke 6:32-36

Recently I saw the movie Fireproof and the basis of this verse was the whole premise of the film. How do you love someone that doesn’t love you back? How do you love when the result is rejection? But we find that the kind of love that many engage in is expecting to be repaid. As this verse tells us that love is given freely without any expectations. The greek term for this is agape love. It’s love just because you are there. It’s the love that is given despite the circumstances or conditions.

Recent events has shown me that I need to aspire to this kind of love more. The funny thing is the less you expect in return when giving out love, the more love seems to come your way.