02.06.10
Posted in relationship at 12:24 am by Administrator
With Valentine’s Day coming up next week, how do you define love? Some describe it as a feeling. Others claim it’s an attachment between people. Still others view it as a physical act between those who are intimate. To their defense, all of them are partial right. True love (Agape) is a love that is given without reason or without cause. It is an unconditional love that takes no account for past wrongs and can look past hurts. Agape is a love that one gives to someone when they are the least loveable and when they don’t deserve it. I once had a person say “So are you saying I don’t deserve it? This is what I mean! You think so little of me.” But that person was totally missing the true point of agape love. It doesn’t matter what issues are going on with you, with agape love you are going to be loved regardless. This is the Love that God offers to us.
Where do we find this kind of love? Well we find this kind of love in our relationships. In relationships where this agape love is practiced, the relationship flourishes. That is why having a relationship with God is so important. God is love. He is exemplifies love in the form of the perfect relationship marked by agape unconditional love in the form of the Trinity: Father, Son and Holy Ghost. It guides us in all that we do. 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 says:
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,] but have not love, I gain nothing.”
So if we do not have love or relationships that our love can move in, we must perceive in reality that we have absolutely nothing. We can do all the best things in the world but without having this love, it is all for naught.
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02.03.10
Posted in relationship at 6:35 pm by Administrator
In the Southern United States, there is a vine called the kudzu vine. It wasn’t native to the area but it became the “vine that ate the South”. It’s a good illustration of how unforgivenness can take over our lives. The similarity lies in that it shouldn’t be native to our souls. When you let the kudzu vine run rampant, it grows into and upon everything until everything else is choked out by it’s invasive nature. Unforgiveness is like that. Unforgiveness changes a person. It sets a seed inside someone that grows into a root of bitterness and resentment. Eventually when we hold onto past hurts through unforgiveness, it grows upon us until everything else is choked out. Recently I read about someone who was struggling with unforgiveness with someone close to her. “I have a heart full of bitterness and ice. I can’t bring myself to trust … even though I need to.” she says. She then goes on to talk about how she had vowed never to let the person in again. She talks about how she had built up walls around herself. She knew she wanted to be this person’s friend again but because of her unforgiveness she was always “waiting for the other shoe to drop.” So she could never give this person the chance to reconcile with her even though the person desperately wanted to and in her heart she wanted to as well.
Where is unforgiveness invading into your life? Unforgiveness is also like a wound that festers with gangrene. If something is not done to clean out the wound and let it heal properly, it will poison the body and threaten the life of the person. In the case of unforgiveness, it poisons all of our relationships just like gangrene does to the body and can cause us to destroy those things that sustain us. Many times, we just have to let things go and “clean out the emotional wounds” in our hearts before is kills our heart, the very source of our life. Going back to our original illustration, the only way to deal with unforgivenness is to clear away the vines and dig out the very roots so it doesn’t grow back.
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02.02.10
Posted in relationship at 9:25 am by Administrator
All too many people get caught up in how to do their Christianity. You go to any church around, you will see people in the church who are more worried about how they should act, how they should dress, am I doing the motion to this ritual right, and in essence how they appear to everyone else. This brings to mind the verse where the humble tax collector who is prostrate before God praying fervently to reach him where he was at. Yet the Pharisee next to him is praying a prayer that in essence says thank God I don’t look like this sinful tax collector even though his heart can’t compare to the very person he is measuring himself up against. How many people in our churches today, do this very same prayer as the Pharisee did? They pray out loud with flowing words that sound great and a lot of people are impressed by the eloquence. Yet some of the best prayers I have ever had, seen or heard were those of people, who like the tax collector were broken and crying out to God. They were not eloquent but full of heart. It not about the words, it’s more about the conversation.
People raise their hands while singing and then look around to see if others are watching what they are doing. They are people going through the motions like the Pharisee. They are doing them to put on a show for others in church, Sunday school class or bible study to see. Most people fail to realize that we can do the right things for the wrong reasons. We can give to the poor (a very noble thing) and do it to be recognized and seen (the wrong reason). That is why we have that verse in Matthew where people come up to Jesus saying Lord, Lord didn’t we do all these things in your name? And his response is “get away from me for I knew you not.” So if our motives are suspect on the deeds that we do, then how can we determine how we are doing with God?
The answer lies in our relationship with our God. Now I know there are many people out there who are skeptics saying “Yeah, they always say that all you need is a personal relationship with Jesus and you are saved.” In reality, it is truly that simple yet at the same time it is truly that complex. Relationships don’t grow deep over night. You have to nurture them and invest in them. This takes time and dedication Yet, it is our relationship with Jesus that truly saves us. Now I know there may be a lot of people who will counter that we are saved by faith alone or faith plus works. That is not the debate in which I want to participate. Yet however you believe, those both come out from our relationship with Christ. This is about what it means to be in a true relationship with someone where each side is doing things that are in the best interest of those that they are in relationship with above their own self-centered needs. Yet God is there whether we deserve it or not and always seeks the best for us. That is a tough standard to live up to but Jesus does it with us. So the core of what I am saying is that too many people are focused on what they are doing something versus why they are doing it. In reality one should ask “How am I doing in my acceptance of the free gift that being in relationship with God offers and sharing that relationship with others?”
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04.09.09
Posted in community, relationship at 9:32 am by Administrator
I recently checked my yahoo e-mail and as I went onto the main site, there was a piece that talks about how kids curb marital satisfaction. I thought to myself, has our society gotten so selfish that it despises it’s own young? The truth is that it has. That being true, this article floored me with its underlying premise. Our society places more emphasis on “being happy” than doing the right thing and being responsible. We seek to be immediately gratified with our marital relationship than our being proud of raising a new generation. All we have to do is look at our culture of immediate gratification and divorce culture to see the massive scar of selfishness and self-centeredness that runs through our society.
I wish I could say that I was above this but I can’t. I look at my own life and how I get stressed out by my own kids and how they do affect my marriage. We place undo focus on our kids that make them seem like a threat to our marriages. I realize that when I do this it is like looking through a distorted lens. It’s a lens that focuses on what I want and now what Jesus really calls us to do.
“The greatest among you will be your servant. For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” Matthew 23:11-12
It’s something we all should aspire to…..
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03.24.09
Posted in love, relationship at 1:49 pm by Administrator
How do you look at love? I think too many of us look at love as something we give to other and expect something in return. When the person we gave our love to doesn’t respond back in the way that we want, we get resentful and mad. Most of us know we should show love towards others but often we attach conditions and stipulations on the love that we share. We loan out our love expect it to be repaid with interest. We justify this by saying if I give of myself, then I should get something in return.
Did Jesus do this when he was called to give of himself? He gave everything, expecting nothing in return. His love was a gift with no strings attached. It wasn’t a loan because we didn’t have to do anything to deserve it.
I have messed this up so many times in my life, I have lost count. I learn every day that it is so much better to love people, just because. I have found that when I place expectations on how people should react to my generosity, loving act or words, it truly leads me down a path to resentment and sorrow. So if we give our love to people expecting nothing in return, life becomes such a joy when people do respond in kind.
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03.23.09
Posted in Communication, God Centered, relationship at 7:34 pm by Administrator
I hate to admit it but I really get mad when things don’t go my way. That is when most of us begin praying. We ask God that if he will only do _______ (Fill in the blank) then we will be _______ (Insert whatever religious, godly or pious action here). What are we trying to do here? I would submit to you that this is nothing better than a spiritual begging at best or a full blown spiritual fit at its worst.
What are we really trying to do here? I was reminded of what my true motive may be when I read a blog piece by a friend of mine named Patrick Oden. We try to force God to do our will. I do this way too often when I look at my own experience. Yet when I look at my life during various episodes of disappointment I realize I was bargaining with God. I got mad when I didn’t get what I wanted. Looking back, I am reminded of Garth Brooks’ song “Unanswered Prayers”. In the song, he thanks God for unanswered prayers because he ended up with something wonderful in the end despite not getting what he was asking for in his prayers at the time.
Recent events have made me realize that sometimes we have to just let go of what we want and just trust God to provide.
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03.01.09
Posted in Discipleship, God in general, relationship at 12:10 am by Administrator
Everyone worships some thing or things in their lives. What do you worship? Where does your time, money and attention go? That is probably what you worship. Many claim that they worship God but is that really true when we look at their checkbooks or see what they do with their time? So if people aren’t worshipping God what do they worship? Some people worship nature or reason. Recently I have been reading the Alcoholic’s Anonymous handbook because a friend of mine was trying to illustrate a point. I actually like what the book has to say about it so I will excerpt it here.
Without knowing it, had we not been brought to where we stood by a certain kind of faith? For did we not believe in our own reasoning? Did we not have confidence in our ability to think? What was that but a sort of faith? Yes, we had been faithful, abjectly faithful to the God of Reason. So, in one way or another, we discovered that faith had been involved all the time!
We found, too, that we had been worshippers. What a state of mental goose-flesh that used to bring on! Had we not worshipped people, sentiment, things, money and ourselves? p54 AA Big Book
2 Peter 2:19 says “ They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity—for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.
The quotation from the AA book really illustrates what Peter is talking about. It really got me thinking.
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02.19.09
Posted in God in general, love, relationship at 7:18 pm by Administrator
How often do we find ourselves saying I would love more if only fill in the blank? Most of us view love so conditionally. It’s a if you rub my back then I will rub yours kind of a scenario. But that’s not the kind of love that God and Jesus call us to. Jesus tells us what kind of love we are to engage in. We must choose to love even when it isn’t the easy thing to do.
If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ lend to ’sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Luke 6:32-36
Recently I saw the movie Fireproof and the basis of this verse was the whole premise of the film. How do you love someone that doesn’t love you back? How do you love when the result is rejection? But we find that the kind of love that many engage in is expecting to be repaid. As this verse tells us that love is given freely without any expectations. The greek term for this is agape love. It’s love just because you are there. It’s the love that is given despite the circumstances or conditions.
Recent events has shown me that I need to aspire to this kind of love more. The funny thing is the less you expect in return when giving out love, the more love seems to come your way.
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Posted in God in general, community, love, relationship at 12:23 am by Administrator
It’s funny how we try to control things. We see something that we don’t like or that offends us or that hurts us in some way and we try to change it. This is something that I have discovered about myself over the past couple of weeks. It’s ironic that I have named my website Left of Self Center because in many ways I have been acting in a very self centered way. In many ways, we try to play God with the situations in our lives. We try to take control over things because we want to control them or manipulate them in some way. Often we claim it is because we have a “right”, or we have been hurt or offended.
It’s as if when others don’t meet our expectations, we try to make them fit the mold. A friend showed me a passage from the Alcoholic’s Anonymous handbook that really illustrates the point of giving up trying to control things.
“I have to discard my “rights,” as well as my expectations, by asking myself, How important is it, really? How important is it compared to my serenity, my emotional sobriety?….
Acceptance is the key to my relationship with God today. I never just sit and do nothing while waiting for Him to tell me what to do. Rather, I do whatever is in front of me to be done, and I leave the results up to Him; however it turns out, that’s God’s will for me. Alcoholic’s Anonymous Handbook p 420
So how often are we emotional “drunk” because we are so consumed pushing our “rights” and our expectations upon other people in a self centered way? It is one thing to stand up for oneself or protect oneself, it is another to try to control or manipulate another to one’s own way of thinking. So given our weakness to this, I have included the Serenity Prayer here. If you have issues with this like I do, please pray along.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next.
Amen.
–Reinhold Niebuhr
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02.15.09
Posted in God Centered, God in general, Spiritual Warfare, relationship at 3:27 pm by Administrator
We think of those we consider as steadfast christians. Previously, I discuss how I recently had a stay at a hospital. How does someone who is firm in their faith, end up in a position where they are in a state like this? I would suffice to say that we allow things into our lives that can serve as chinks in our armor where we can be attacked. We are told by Paul that:
Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. (Eph 6:11 NIV)
I found myself in a situation where I was stewing in anger and resentment. Letting the sun go down on our anger opened up those chinks in the armor of God that’s protects us. That is what happenned to me. I was so upset that it led to resentment. The resentment led hatred. So I found myself with an opening in the armor that protected me from attack that you could run an army through. God is very clear about how we deal with this. He tells us frequently in the bible about the dangers of opening up chinks in our armor due to resentment, anger and wrath.
Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple. Job 5:2 NIV
The godless in heart harbor resentment; even when he fetters them, they do not cry for help. Job 36:13 NIV
But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him. 1 John 2:11 NIV
In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Psalm 4:4 NIV
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8 NIV
I think what happenned to me could serve as a good warning to all. Sometimes we in our self-centeredness choose to focus on the things that we feel wronged about. We focus on our pain and our struggle. When inevitably we should give them up to God. I think this is one of the hardest things we as Christians are called to do. It is so natural for us to focus on how we have been wronged or how we feel that we lose sense of the love and people we are called to be in community and relationship with. To quote a counselor I had in the hospital, it as if we tell people that we love them and to come close with one hand and then we push them away and tell them to get the heck away with the other.
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