03.24.09
Posted in God Centered, God in general, Pain at 11:04 pm by Administrator
Have you ever been at the end of your rope facing such overwhelming odds or trials that you didn’t think you would overcome them? Just like a muscle is built up unless it is broken down through exercise, so is our faith. I have talked with many people about how they came to faith. Like myself, a lot of people talk about how it was a series of trials or traumatic events that rocked their words and pushed them towards God. Sometimes it can be things that just change our lives such as getting marriage or having kids. But sometimes it can be when the world that we have crafted around us comes crashing down upon us. That was my story. I actually wrote a poem about it called Soliloquy of a Broken Man. Paul talks about this in 2 Corinthians.
We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 2 Corinthians 1:8-10
So could trauma and trial be ways that God helps us to not rely on ourselves but rather more fully on Him? In my experience, I would have to say yes. All the twelve step programs talk about how people admit that their problem was greater than themselves and that they had to seek a higher power to see them through. Trauma brings pain and we all know how pain has a way of getting people’s attention. So I will end with a thought from 1 Peter where Peter says in 1 Peter 1:6-7.
though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:6-7
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03.01.09
Posted in Discipleship, God in general, relationship at 12:10 am by Administrator
Everyone worships some thing or things in their lives. What do you worship? Where does your time, money and attention go? That is probably what you worship. Many claim that they worship God but is that really true when we look at their checkbooks or see what they do with their time? So if people aren’t worshipping God what do they worship? Some people worship nature or reason. Recently I have been reading the Alcoholic’s Anonymous handbook because a friend of mine was trying to illustrate a point. I actually like what the book has to say about it so I will excerpt it here.
Without knowing it, had we not been brought to where we stood by a certain kind of faith? For did we not believe in our own reasoning? Did we not have confidence in our ability to think? What was that but a sort of faith? Yes, we had been faithful, abjectly faithful to the God of Reason. So, in one way or another, we discovered that faith had been involved all the time!
We found, too, that we had been worshippers. What a state of mental goose-flesh that used to bring on! Had we not worshipped people, sentiment, things, money and ourselves? p54 AA Big Book
2 Peter 2:19 says “ They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity—for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.
The quotation from the AA book really illustrates what Peter is talking about. It really got me thinking.
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02.19.09
Posted in God in general, love, relationship at 7:18 pm by Administrator
How often do we find ourselves saying I would love more if only fill in the blank? Most of us view love so conditionally. It’s a if you rub my back then I will rub yours kind of a scenario. But that’s not the kind of love that God and Jesus call us to. Jesus tells us what kind of love we are to engage in. We must choose to love even when it isn’t the easy thing to do.
If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ lend to ’sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Luke 6:32-36
Recently I saw the movie Fireproof and the basis of this verse was the whole premise of the film. How do you love someone that doesn’t love you back? How do you love when the result is rejection? But we find that the kind of love that many engage in is expecting to be repaid. As this verse tells us that love is given freely without any expectations. The greek term for this is agape love. It’s love just because you are there. It’s the love that is given despite the circumstances or conditions.
Recent events has shown me that I need to aspire to this kind of love more. The funny thing is the less you expect in return when giving out love, the more love seems to come your way.
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Posted in God in general, community, love, relationship at 12:23 am by Administrator
It’s funny how we try to control things. We see something that we don’t like or that offends us or that hurts us in some way and we try to change it. This is something that I have discovered about myself over the past couple of weeks. It’s ironic that I have named my website Left of Self Center because in many ways I have been acting in a very self centered way. In many ways, we try to play God with the situations in our lives. We try to take control over things because we want to control them or manipulate them in some way. Often we claim it is because we have a “right”, or we have been hurt or offended.
It’s as if when others don’t meet our expectations, we try to make them fit the mold. A friend showed me a passage from the Alcoholic’s Anonymous handbook that really illustrates the point of giving up trying to control things.
“I have to discard my “rights,” as well as my expectations, by asking myself, How important is it, really? How important is it compared to my serenity, my emotional sobriety?….
Acceptance is the key to my relationship with God today. I never just sit and do nothing while waiting for Him to tell me what to do. Rather, I do whatever is in front of me to be done, and I leave the results up to Him; however it turns out, that’s God’s will for me. Alcoholic’s Anonymous Handbook p 420
So how often are we emotional “drunk” because we are so consumed pushing our “rights” and our expectations upon other people in a self centered way? It is one thing to stand up for oneself or protect oneself, it is another to try to control or manipulate another to one’s own way of thinking. So given our weakness to this, I have included the Serenity Prayer here. If you have issues with this like I do, please pray along.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next.
Amen.
–Reinhold Niebuhr
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02.16.09
Posted in God in general, Poetry at 10:54 pm by Administrator
I stand before you a broken man.
If you’d asked me several years ago about how my life was, I’d have told you that everything was going fine.
I was fine.
My job was fine.
My life was fine.
In fact, things were looking good in fact. No…
They were looking great.
But that was just a lie.
A web…. of fabrications, self-delusions, and outright lies that I not only told others but I had convinced myself of as well. I hid myself away behind many masks and crafted many illusions.
An ethical businessman, sure, that was me. A caring and trustworthy husband, sure why not. After all, I was a person who had morals, even if I bent them all the time to suit my purposes. I even claimed I was a Christian, a true defender of the faith. I could recite back to you everything I had ever learned about the Church, yet I did not really live that life or follow what was taught.
It all looked good until you measured it up against the picture of my life. I really only fooled those who didn’t look too close at my masquerade. Anyway, no one shares their sins, perversions, and troubles with the world. What would people think? Everyone lives their own secret life.
It was by keeping these secrets that I easily fooled myself, never letting anyone close enough to see the real “me”. It was a “me” that was dying on the inside. A “me” that was angry at the world. Even when the contradictions in my life came crashing back upon me, I stood ready with excuses about how it was someone else’s fault or just bad luck. Deep inside, I was looking for truth, but Lord knows the trouble I had trying to find it amidst the smoke generated from the smoldering ruins of my life.
Yet still I was a prideful, haughty man. The seeds I had sown were reaping fruit, I just realize much too late that they were not the fruits of which I wished to partake. They were bitter, angry and sad. In my anguish, I began searching.
Searching for something….
For anything….
For an answer or a remedy that would ease the pain.
I had always been told that if I worked hard enough I could find an answer. Instead of finding relief, I found judgmental people condemning those who failed to measure up to some elusive perfect model. I grew jaded as I encountered a world of pedophile priests and fallen ministers. Groups that said they wanted to help and build up people, but in truth, they only cast stones and tore people down. I don’t know why that surprised me, my own life was covered in the filth of the world and I would have gladly thrown the first stone at someone to keep stones from being thrown at me. It was better them than me.
I settled down in the dark pit I had dug as I quit feeling the pain. I slowly became numb as I began to believe the stories I told myself. Every so often I would break free of my numbness and rage with anger at my circumstances….
Not only at myself…
but also at those around me.
I was destroying not only myself but also everyone I loved around me. I was in spiritual crisis. I was at the end of my rope.
I’m not certain what exactly caused me to seek Jesus again, but I did. The Jesus I found was not caught up in the ritual and rites I remembered from my youth, but rather as someone who wanted a relationship with me. He was willing to reach out to me in my dark place and save me. He found me in my despair. And this was despite the fact that I was an arrogant jerk. I was a man who was nowhere close to the perfect models I thought Christians were expected to be. He was willing to save me from myself, all I had to do was accept him and trust in him. Though I had tried to no avail, I could not save myself, but He could.
As I embraced Jesus, I finally began to see the masks I had hidden myself with. I discovered I was clothed in the trappings of the world caught up in materialistic and hedonistic pursuits. After all the world ran on the mantra of “if it feels good, do it”. There’s even a song that said “If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad, if it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad.” Layers of lies I had convinced myself of, isolation I had placed myself in, and the things I had worshipped that covered me began to break away.
I delved into the words that Jesus left for us and as I did so, these masks and lies started to fall away. It was painful as it exposed wounds in my spirit but instead of sadness, I was finding joy. Instead of despair, I was finding hope. I was finding forgiveness for the things I had done and the pain I had caused.
I found myself in the company of others who were also building their relationships with God, imperfect people just like me. I learned that fellowship was much more than just eating donuts in a large hall but rather a community where I could find support. As I embraced my new brothers and sisters in Christ, more things broke free.
I broke even more when I realized that it wasn’t just about me but that I was called to be in humble service to others. I grew as I helped others grow. I grew and received many blessings when I was giving my gifts away freely to others.
Jesus met me where I was, and accepted me as he found me. I came to Him as I was and put my trust in Him. And in trust, He broke me down so He could build me back up.
So, I stand before you a broken man
Not broken in defeat, but rather a man constantly being broken from the trappings of this world through his relationship with Christ.
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02.15.09
Posted in God Centered, God in general, Spiritual Warfare, relationship at 3:27 pm by Administrator
We think of those we consider as steadfast christians. Previously, I discuss how I recently had a stay at a hospital. How does someone who is firm in their faith, end up in a position where they are in a state like this? I would suffice to say that we allow things into our lives that can serve as chinks in our armor where we can be attacked. We are told by Paul that:
Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. (Eph 6:11 NIV)
I found myself in a situation where I was stewing in anger and resentment. Letting the sun go down on our anger opened up those chinks in the armor of God that’s protects us. That is what happenned to me. I was so upset that it led to resentment. The resentment led hatred. So I found myself with an opening in the armor that protected me from attack that you could run an army through. God is very clear about how we deal with this. He tells us frequently in the bible about the dangers of opening up chinks in our armor due to resentment, anger and wrath.
Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple. Job 5:2 NIV
The godless in heart harbor resentment; even when he fetters them, they do not cry for help. Job 36:13 NIV
But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him. 1 John 2:11 NIV
In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Psalm 4:4 NIV
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8 NIV
I think what happenned to me could serve as a good warning to all. Sometimes we in our self-centeredness choose to focus on the things that we feel wronged about. We focus on our pain and our struggle. When inevitably we should give them up to God. I think this is one of the hardest things we as Christians are called to do. It is so natural for us to focus on how we have been wronged or how we feel that we lose sense of the love and people we are called to be in community and relationship with. To quote a counselor I had in the hospital, it as if we tell people that we love them and to come close with one hand and then we push them away and tell them to get the heck away with the other.
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02.02.09
Posted in Communication, God in general, community, love, relationship at 10:13 am by Administrator
Recently I read a post by my friend Jonathan Brink called With Great Patience . I found myself profoundly touched by this piece as it really struck home with some situations that I have been dealing with. I would suggest that if you haven’t read Jonathan Brink’s blog before, that you should check it out.
My friend Jonathan runs a ministry call Thrive Ministries . It is focused on bringing people back into relationship with one another as God truly intends it. He refers to it by the term communitas. In a way, many of my recent posts have been focused on my own struggles to come into communitas with several people around me. His post reminds me of how we can get caught up in being worried about “defending” ourselves instead of reaching out in love. His comments about how we build fortresses and walls that we think will protect us but in truth really isolate us and keep us away from what we are truly searching for. Relationship.
There was one phrase he used that really struck me and I think this is where many of us fail in this pursuit of communitas or relationship with others.
When someone reveals their brokenness in a way that affects the rest of the community, the natural impulse is to correct and to rebuke, even in love. We get the first half of Paul’s words. They’re empowering and important. But do we also include the words, “With great patience.”
I realized today that when someone doesn’t get it, it requires us to love even more. And we don’t like that, do we? We want relationships to be easy and fun. But grace has no end. God isn’t sitting up there wondering if He should break trust with us. He’s not wondering, “When are these people going to get it already?” His love is this insane ability to stay in trust with us even in our brokenness, even when we don’t get it.
I was stunned as I read that when someone doesn’t get it, it requires us to love even more. I knew this to be true but I wondered how I personally got so off track. I know I don’t like that. I want to be right. I want to win. I want to be heard. Yet that isn’t the example that God gives us.
Isn’t that what Christianity is really about? Relationships… both with our God and with others fostered by our love and service to one another.
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01.22.09
Posted in Communication, God in general, Pain, relationship at 9:49 am by Administrator
Fear can make people do many things they never thought they would do. It is amazing how fear can force us to do things that we never wanted to do or intended to do. Yet being driven by fear always seems to run counter to being driven by love.
Recently I saw a couple who loved each other very much spiral out of control to the brink of divorce because they were driven by fear. The words I heard most was “I have to defend myself”. Both were worried about the other hurting them so they were driven by fear to “defend themselves” when what they both wanted was to reconcile and love one another. So I ask this question. How often are we driven by fear to “defend ourselves” when what we should be doing is forgiving and reconciling? How often are problems that we are facing escalated because we react in fear? Fear clouds our judgment as we slip into a mode where all we do is think about ourselves versus what God wants. I think that is what the apostle John is saying when he says in 1 John 4:16-18. I like how the Message paraphrases it best to illustrate this point.
God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ’s. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love.
Fear is crippling as I showed in the illustration of the couple who came to the brink of divorce. Yet I am glad to say that this couple ultimately chose love and backed away from the precipice. Yet we need to look at our own lives and see where fear is crippling us. We need to let God into those places and let his love banish those fears. So where ever your fears resides: in your relationships, in your finances, in your job, or where ever else; let God into those areas and let his love set you free.
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09.22.08
Posted in Discipleship, God in general, Ministry, relationship at 11:53 pm by Administrator
Recently I posted two pieces on my blog Left of Self Center about Hurricane Ike that had a weird foreshadowing of what was to come. In these posts, I talked about how a hurricane can change everything. Little did I know that Bolivar Peninsula would become an island and that all the towns on it would be virtually wiped off the map.
One of the other things I mentioned was that a hurricane can change the pace of our lives. Anyone who has lived the past week in Houston has definitely had the pace of their lives changed. Yet despite all the hardships many of us have had to endure at the hand of this powerful storm, I find that so many good things happen in the wake of these storms. When I heard about September Serve , I never imagined this happening. Yet I won’t use my words to describe it, I will share with you the words of my brother Chet in an e-mail blog he was sending to his friends when he came in from San Antonio to weather out Hurricane Ike with me.
“It was an exciting adventure. We lost power around 5:00 Am It was only really bad for a few hours, but it was intense. The next day we went driving around and there were trees down all over the place. It was like someone took a shredder and sprayed leaves and limbs over every yard and street. Afterwards we got 12″ of rain, and there was flooding everywhere. Phones were out, electricity, no TV, or computers, and no cell phones. The instant communication, information, and comfort were gone. It felt marooned with no travel, no communication. Yall knew more about what was happening than we did. All stores and restaurants were closed. No gas stations could pump gas because they didn’t have electricity.”
“One incredible thing was once the rain slowed, everyone came outside, talked, and they all started helping each other clean up their yards and reestablish order. Everyone was laughing and men helped the single moms move branches, and several kids had brooms and were sweeping the streets. Wow it really showed me how much modern technology has damaged our communities. People turn to each other when nothing else exists.”
“I could not imagine 3 to 4 weeks in Houston heat and humidity with no electricity. Now that is pure drudgery. Well I was there for my family and the adventure of experiencing a hurricane, not drudgery. So after extending a invitation of air conditioning and electricity at my home, I decided my career as a eyewitness reporter in the destruction of Ike was over. It was time to go home. I could not get home quick enough. I am now in my cool home, with lights all around me, lap top in my lap, remote in my hand, cold beverages from my refrigerator, despising my neighbors who I have talked to maybe once or twice in 7 years. I am just glad I am not in Houston any more, but I will be forever moved by the destruction I saw, the fun I had, the drudgery I experienced, and the community and humanity I felt.”
Point is this. Adversity brings people together. Adversity makes our faith stronger. The helping hands I saw being extended between people proves this.
Many of the people in the picture above go to either the Loft or attend services over TWUMC . We jumped out and worked to clean up the street and the neighborhood and help out our neighbor. It why I made many 140 mile round trips to Bryan/College Station to get people gas, ice, food, and information for those who couldn’t get it for themselves. We find out what is truly important when we lose things we put our reliance on: Electricity, Technology, Convenience, and so many other things that just aren’t important. My brother felt what being a Christian is really about. He felt what humanity is all about: a relationship with our God and one another.
By the way, my brother is the good looking guy in the blue shirt in the middle of the picture.
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09.12.08
Posted in God in general, creation at 6:31 pm by Administrator
The waiting is the hardest part sometimes. You see something coming at you and you know it is coming but you can do nothing much about you. Such is how things are with Hurricane Ike that is bearing down upon us. The winds are just beginning to hit us where I live though at the coast is starting to feel the brunt of the full force of this storm.
When I think about this in regards to my faith, the illustration of an upcoming hurricane is similar to our sinful nature. We can see it coming but often we can do nothing about it. Yet in this case, we are fortunate to have our God who protect us from the storm of our sin. 
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