02.25.09
Posted in God Centered, community, love at 12:45 am by Administrator
Who are the people you feel closest to? What makes these people unique in your life? In many ways, we are shaped by those people that are around us both for our betterment and our detriment.
Coming through the ordeals I have had to face over the past weeks, I find that often the most intense level of community comes through a sharing of intense experiences. I have formed significant friendships with several of the people I recently was in the hospital with. Many of these people, I share very little common cultural or social bonds with as we are completely different in many ways. We aren’t the same ethnicity, socio-economic status, lifestyle, religious background and hang out in the same social circles. Yet, there is an intense bond I have with these people because of our intense shared experience of our hospital stays. It makes me understand it when they say the most intense friendships or relationships are between those who have fought in war together. They have the same intense experiences that forced them together and forced them to interact with each other.
Interacting with these people has been so refreshing to me. I find myself seeing things about myself that I don’t think I would have ever been able to discover if I wasn’t seen through eyes that looked from quite a different perspective. Before coming to a relationship with Jesus, I probably would have ignored these people if I came across them on the street. But now I have a love for these people that I can’t describe and I gain so much from my interaction with them. When I first got to the hospital I viewed myself as different, yet when we were forced together through an intense experience, I realized that these were people too despite whatever condition got them there. They were deserving of love, patience and acceptance just as much as I was. So for me, I have to thank God for the junk I had to go through because through it I was able to meet these people who have opened my eyes even more to what God’s kingdom here on earth really should be.
What prompted me to write this was my reading of Jonathan Brink’s blog and his work at acheiving authentic Godly community at Thrive Ministries . To read more on his view of what authentic Godly community is, read a recent post he wrote called Elusive Authentic Community
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02.19.09
Posted in God in general, love, relationship at 7:18 pm by Administrator
How often do we find ourselves saying I would love more if only fill in the blank? Most of us view love so conditionally. It’s a if you rub my back then I will rub yours kind of a scenario. But that’s not the kind of love that God and Jesus call us to. Jesus tells us what kind of love we are to engage in. We must choose to love even when it isn’t the easy thing to do.
If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ lend to ’sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Luke 6:32-36
Recently I saw the movie Fireproof and the basis of this verse was the whole premise of the film. How do you love someone that doesn’t love you back? How do you love when the result is rejection? But we find that the kind of love that many engage in is expecting to be repaid. As this verse tells us that love is given freely without any expectations. The greek term for this is agape love. It’s love just because you are there. It’s the love that is given despite the circumstances or conditions.
Recent events has shown me that I need to aspire to this kind of love more. The funny thing is the less you expect in return when giving out love, the more love seems to come your way.
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Posted in God in general, community, love, relationship at 12:23 am by Administrator
It’s funny how we try to control things. We see something that we don’t like or that offends us or that hurts us in some way and we try to change it. This is something that I have discovered about myself over the past couple of weeks. It’s ironic that I have named my website Left of Self Center because in many ways I have been acting in a very self centered way. In many ways, we try to play God with the situations in our lives. We try to take control over things because we want to control them or manipulate them in some way. Often we claim it is because we have a “right”, or we have been hurt or offended.
It’s as if when others don’t meet our expectations, we try to make them fit the mold. A friend showed me a passage from the Alcoholic’s Anonymous handbook that really illustrates the point of giving up trying to control things.
“I have to discard my “rights,” as well as my expectations, by asking myself, How important is it, really? How important is it compared to my serenity, my emotional sobriety?….
Acceptance is the key to my relationship with God today. I never just sit and do nothing while waiting for Him to tell me what to do. Rather, I do whatever is in front of me to be done, and I leave the results up to Him; however it turns out, that’s God’s will for me. Alcoholic’s Anonymous Handbook p 420
So how often are we emotional “drunk” because we are so consumed pushing our “rights” and our expectations upon other people in a self centered way? It is one thing to stand up for oneself or protect oneself, it is another to try to control or manipulate another to one’s own way of thinking. So given our weakness to this, I have included the Serenity Prayer here. If you have issues with this like I do, please pray along.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next.
Amen.
–Reinhold Niebuhr
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02.16.09
Posted in God in general, Poetry at 10:54 pm by Administrator
I stand before you a broken man.
If you’d asked me several years ago about how my life was, I’d have told you that everything was going fine.
I was fine.
My job was fine.
My life was fine.
In fact, things were looking good in fact. No…
They were looking great.
But that was just a lie.
A web…. of fabrications, self-delusions, and outright lies that I not only told others but I had convinced myself of as well. I hid myself away behind many masks and crafted many illusions.
An ethical businessman, sure, that was me. A caring and trustworthy husband, sure why not. After all, I was a person who had morals, even if I bent them all the time to suit my purposes. I even claimed I was a Christian, a true defender of the faith. I could recite back to you everything I had ever learned about the Church, yet I did not really live that life or follow what was taught.
It all looked good until you measured it up against the picture of my life. I really only fooled those who didn’t look too close at my masquerade. Anyway, no one shares their sins, perversions, and troubles with the world. What would people think? Everyone lives their own secret life.
It was by keeping these secrets that I easily fooled myself, never letting anyone close enough to see the real “me”. It was a “me” that was dying on the inside. A “me” that was angry at the world. Even when the contradictions in my life came crashing back upon me, I stood ready with excuses about how it was someone else’s fault or just bad luck. Deep inside, I was looking for truth, but Lord knows the trouble I had trying to find it amidst the smoke generated from the smoldering ruins of my life.
Yet still I was a prideful, haughty man. The seeds I had sown were reaping fruit, I just realize much too late that they were not the fruits of which I wished to partake. They were bitter, angry and sad. In my anguish, I began searching.
Searching for something….
For anything….
For an answer or a remedy that would ease the pain.
I had always been told that if I worked hard enough I could find an answer. Instead of finding relief, I found judgmental people condemning those who failed to measure up to some elusive perfect model. I grew jaded as I encountered a world of pedophile priests and fallen ministers. Groups that said they wanted to help and build up people, but in truth, they only cast stones and tore people down. I don’t know why that surprised me, my own life was covered in the filth of the world and I would have gladly thrown the first stone at someone to keep stones from being thrown at me. It was better them than me.
I settled down in the dark pit I had dug as I quit feeling the pain. I slowly became numb as I began to believe the stories I told myself. Every so often I would break free of my numbness and rage with anger at my circumstances….
Not only at myself…
but also at those around me.
I was destroying not only myself but also everyone I loved around me. I was in spiritual crisis. I was at the end of my rope.
I’m not certain what exactly caused me to seek Jesus again, but I did. The Jesus I found was not caught up in the ritual and rites I remembered from my youth, but rather as someone who wanted a relationship with me. He was willing to reach out to me in my dark place and save me. He found me in my despair. And this was despite the fact that I was an arrogant jerk. I was a man who was nowhere close to the perfect models I thought Christians were expected to be. He was willing to save me from myself, all I had to do was accept him and trust in him. Though I had tried to no avail, I could not save myself, but He could.
As I embraced Jesus, I finally began to see the masks I had hidden myself with. I discovered I was clothed in the trappings of the world caught up in materialistic and hedonistic pursuits. After all the world ran on the mantra of “if it feels good, do it”. There’s even a song that said “If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad, if it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad.” Layers of lies I had convinced myself of, isolation I had placed myself in, and the things I had worshipped that covered me began to break away.
I delved into the words that Jesus left for us and as I did so, these masks and lies started to fall away. It was painful as it exposed wounds in my spirit but instead of sadness, I was finding joy. Instead of despair, I was finding hope. I was finding forgiveness for the things I had done and the pain I had caused.
I found myself in the company of others who were also building their relationships with God, imperfect people just like me. I learned that fellowship was much more than just eating donuts in a large hall but rather a community where I could find support. As I embraced my new brothers and sisters in Christ, more things broke free.
I broke even more when I realized that it wasn’t just about me but that I was called to be in humble service to others. I grew as I helped others grow. I grew and received many blessings when I was giving my gifts away freely to others.
Jesus met me where I was, and accepted me as he found me. I came to Him as I was and put my trust in Him. And in trust, He broke me down so He could build me back up.
So, I stand before you a broken man
Not broken in defeat, but rather a man constantly being broken from the trappings of this world through his relationship with Christ.
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02.15.09
Posted in God Centered, God in general, Spiritual Warfare, relationship at 3:27 pm by Administrator
We think of those we consider as steadfast christians. Previously, I discuss how I recently had a stay at a hospital. How does someone who is firm in their faith, end up in a position where they are in a state like this? I would suffice to say that we allow things into our lives that can serve as chinks in our armor where we can be attacked. We are told by Paul that:
Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. (Eph 6:11 NIV)
I found myself in a situation where I was stewing in anger and resentment. Letting the sun go down on our anger opened up those chinks in the armor of God that’s protects us. That is what happenned to me. I was so upset that it led to resentment. The resentment led hatred. So I found myself with an opening in the armor that protected me from attack that you could run an army through. God is very clear about how we deal with this. He tells us frequently in the bible about the dangers of opening up chinks in our armor due to resentment, anger and wrath.
Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple. Job 5:2 NIV
The godless in heart harbor resentment; even when he fetters them, they do not cry for help. Job 36:13 NIV
But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him. 1 John 2:11 NIV
In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Psalm 4:4 NIV
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8 NIV
I think what happenned to me could serve as a good warning to all. Sometimes we in our self-centeredness choose to focus on the things that we feel wronged about. We focus on our pain and our struggle. When inevitably we should give them up to God. I think this is one of the hardest things we as Christians are called to do. It is so natural for us to focus on how we have been wronged or how we feel that we lose sense of the love and people we are called to be in community and relationship with. To quote a counselor I had in the hospital, it as if we tell people that we love them and to come close with one hand and then we push them away and tell them to get the heck away with the other.
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02.11.09
Posted in Communication, Pain, love, relationship at 11:43 am by Administrator
I have been going through a very difficult time in my life. The difficulties came to a head last Thursday in an event that took me to a place I never dreamed I would ever go. Yet despite the traumatic event in a rather hard episode in my life, I found God’s hand everywhere I went.
To put it bluntly, I was diagnosed with suffering from Major Depression and ended up in a mental health facility where I was literally locked down for almost a week. Despite the sadness, anger and frustration I was feeling, I was comforted by the strangest of people and found myself talking about God with people I never in my life would have dreamed I ever would. The experience really brought Matthew 25: 34-46 to life.
“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
“The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’
“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
“He will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’
“Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”
My first thought was that I was locked up with a bunch of crazy people. After all, i was quite normal. I found myself surrounded with people struggling with voices in their heads, those that claimed they had demons in them, bi-polar disorders, addictions, anger management issues, and a myriad of emotional problems. I felt like the sober person at a party full of drunks. But I found I was struggling with many of the same things that they were. A wonderful counselor told us that all of these problems that many of us were dealing with centered around how self centered we really were. We didn’t want to do what needed to be done so we lashed out in our own selfish ways.
Yet many in there were so selfless in so many ways. I was conforted by a lady singing gospel songs who was brought in due to hearing voices and walking down the middle of the freeway. When I was at my lowest, I was conforted by a lady who had nearly overdosed because she felt overwhelmed by the problems of her son, and another who had come in feeling like she was worthless and without hope. I found that all these people were people who wanted and needed love just like you or I. God allowed me to help a young man with anger issues to accept Jesus for the first time in his life and he and I prayed together during most of my stay.
Towards the end, my conversations turned to a man named Mark, who had called in a bomb threat and kept telling me his life was over, I realized that all these people were human and worthy of God’s love. Mark kept saying his life was over and there was nothing left. He was truly hopeless. I shared with him the plight of Jonah in Jonah 2 and he could relate. Yet somehow I knew I needed to tell him that he was a person of worth in my eyes. That he was a person who was loved. He was upset when I left and he came up to me and asked a question that will stick with me for the rest of my life.
“Will you remember me? Will you pray for me like you said you would?”
I told him I would and I would ask anyone reading this blog to also pray for Mark who is in a very dark place. I thank God that I had my issue if only to be that small beacon of light that reached Mark.
So how many of us ask God, “Will you remember me?” “Am I worthy to be remembered?” We ask if our God will come and save us and i believe he does, just not always in the way we expect. I just think it is awesome that in the hardest times, God is there walking with us.
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02.03.09
Posted in community, love, relationship at 12:11 am by Administrator
Have you ever gone round and round with someone trying to show them how you are right? Yet how many times have we struggled to assert our correctness only to find we have lost in the end. Romans 2 really addresses this by asking who are we to judge? Who are we to determine who is right and who is wrong? Does God convinces us to turn away from our sins by judgement alone? If we take the Scriptures into consideration on this, we find that judgment is usually at the end of a long road of God trying to get us to come back to relationship with Him. Paul states:
You may think you can condemn such people, but you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you who judge others do these very same things. And we know that God, in his justice, will punish anyone who does such things. Since you judge others for doing these things, why do you think you can avoid God’s judgment when you do the same things? Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin? (Romans 2:1-4 NLT)
So if we are trying to reach someone how should we do it? I think we are given the answer above. We do so with kindness, love, tolerance and patience as God himself shows us. It’s kind of a radical thought that God intends to turn us away from our sins by using His kindness. After all, wasn’t Jesus an ultimate gift of kindness to a cruel world? How can we take that sentiment and apply it to our own lives, our own families, our own communities and the world around us?
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02.02.09
Posted in Communication, God in general, community, love, relationship at 10:13 am by Administrator
Recently I read a post by my friend Jonathan Brink called With Great Patience . I found myself profoundly touched by this piece as it really struck home with some situations that I have been dealing with. I would suggest that if you haven’t read Jonathan Brink’s blog before, that you should check it out.
My friend Jonathan runs a ministry call Thrive Ministries . It is focused on bringing people back into relationship with one another as God truly intends it. He refers to it by the term communitas. In a way, many of my recent posts have been focused on my own struggles to come into communitas with several people around me. His post reminds me of how we can get caught up in being worried about “defending” ourselves instead of reaching out in love. His comments about how we build fortresses and walls that we think will protect us but in truth really isolate us and keep us away from what we are truly searching for. Relationship.
There was one phrase he used that really struck me and I think this is where many of us fail in this pursuit of communitas or relationship with others.
When someone reveals their brokenness in a way that affects the rest of the community, the natural impulse is to correct and to rebuke, even in love. We get the first half of Paul’s words. They’re empowering and important. But do we also include the words, “With great patience.”
I realized today that when someone doesn’t get it, it requires us to love even more. And we don’t like that, do we? We want relationships to be easy and fun. But grace has no end. God isn’t sitting up there wondering if He should break trust with us. He’s not wondering, “When are these people going to get it already?” His love is this insane ability to stay in trust with us even in our brokenness, even when we don’t get it.
I was stunned as I read that when someone doesn’t get it, it requires us to love even more. I knew this to be true but I wondered how I personally got so off track. I know I don’t like that. I want to be right. I want to win. I want to be heard. Yet that isn’t the example that God gives us.
Isn’t that what Christianity is really about? Relationships… both with our God and with others fostered by our love and service to one another.
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Posted in Communication, relationship at 9:43 am by Administrator
How often do we say something and qualify it with a “BUT”….? We put exceptions and conditions on the things we say. An apology is not truly an apology if it includes a conditional but. A relationship is not a truly a true relationship if it is limited by the constraints of the “Buts”. Yet we qualify things all the time. I shouldn’t of hurt you BUT you had it coming. I shouldn’t of said that BUT I felt hurt and lonely. I shouldn’t have done that BUT I didn’t want to be embarrassed. What are the BUTs that are limiting your life? What conditions are you putting on your relationships not only with God but also with others.
You know sometimes it just better to come out and say what you truly mean. Sometimes it works so much better when a statement is made without all the conditional clauses. We should say what we mean. We should take responsibility for our own actions. We should own the remorse that we have for hurting others without trying to pawn part of the blame off on the other person using the conditional BUT phrases. I like what James has to say about it.
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. (James 1:5-8)
When I look at what God has offered us in the form of his own son. The grace he offers is unconditional. It doesn’t have a BUT but it without condition. It’s done straight from love.
Are we double minded and full of BUTs? Think about it……
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